Carrie's Journal

My first real entry
so this is my first real entry; i've been meaning to do this sooner. i got pretty panicky and freaked out tonight over money and the state of things in my life, so i think it'd be a good thing to empty my head. use this as a pensieve, as alco calls it.

last night i didn't hear from joe and i woke up at 5am this morning and since i was awake, checked my email. sure enough, he had written me, like at 3 in the afternoon saying he was going to be in NY for the night and couldn't call. and then he invited me up to foxwoods/mohegan sun with him in a couple of weeks. man, i really want to go. i so enjoy talking to him and i really want to meet him. but going up there and not having an out isn't the best option. unfortunately. so i emailed him back and said thanks but didn't think it was the best idea, i enjoy talking to you, i want to meet, etc. and suggested he come down here for a weekend and we hang out. he emailed me back, as i just checked, that he was going to dinner and a movie tonight but would call me when he got it, which would be late and if i was sleeping he'd leave a message. i'm definitely digging him emailing me and letting me know he isn't going to call or whatever; which is really nice. although i must admit i'm a little stressed that he's possibly on a date. but i have no idea. i know he had been talking to another girl but he wasn't 'hitting it off' or whatever with her on the phone, so that fizzled out. i dunno. must. chill. it'd be really cool for him to come down the weekend he was going to go to foxwoods. i'm so damn impatient. LOL anyway...so if i'm tonight i'll talk to him. although i think i might just stay up b/c i might feel more settled if we talk.

enough of that. i heard from NACDS today and found out the assistant position only pays in the low $30s, which is too low for me. i'm in such a shitty place professionally b/c i'm not entry level, but i'm not senior. i'm mid level and should be making mid-level money but it's like the jobs don't exist. the meetings job postings have dwindled considerably in the last few weeks, which is really depressing. and i've found that i'm not as eager to look them up as i was before. when i was temping for career blazers, i remember i'd get to work and get all excited to log onto ASAE or GWSAE or washington jobs, like i used to get excited about reading the tubby news or whatever. but now it's just a chore. i applied to two jobs yesterday. i'm starting to wonder if i shouldn't just take a pay cut and either pump up the pampered chef thing or get a second job or...i don't know what. i'm also starting to feel a bit like george constanza. i live with my parents. i don't have a job. i'm not bald, but i'm certainly overweight. LOL i am really glad i have mrs. minami's gig. today wasn't a good day though, i really slacked at the orem house. i was there all by myself and i ended up just like finding magazines and journals and stuff and reading them. including an issue of Cosmo. which just drives me batty; i don't know why i torture myself. i think i'm a little nervous about not buying COBRA too. but it is so. damn. expensive. it would just kill all the money that i've saved up, which isn't a huge amount, but for me to have $1K in the bank is pretty good for me. the best thing about not working is that i'm forced to be conservative with my money. i still buy bullshit stuff like starbucks or whatever, but i don't just go on shopping sprees anymore. and not to say i'd spend huge amounts of cash, but the bits added up. and i prett much stay at home now.

well, i've babbled. the deep end is on cable so i think i'm going to watch it. oooooh, josh lucas is in it. sweeeet. LOL

till tomorrow...